POP pride

its just me and my head tonight

dear blog,

its 3am and i have to be up at 7am yet here i am.. typing away to no particular end. once again, its that time of the year when people realise that they don’t really know me all that well as they wonder what to get me (if at all) as a gift. well aren’t i just the princess of darkness?

birthdays aren’t high on my favourite things to do, particularly my own. yet for the past couple, i’ve tried to overcome that and just party. suprise surprise, it hasn’t turned out quite as planned. this year you ask? ah yes, this year marks my first year as a non teenager and rather than boozing up and watching other people grind up against each other in clubs, i’m going to spend it with people who actually matter. people i’m actually going to think about next year on this day and wish they were next to me.  

in the past 19, almost 20, years of my life, i’ve learnt a couple of things.

to hear what people have to say even if i don’t listen to it.
to not say something i’ll regret.
but if i do, apologise for it.
to never keep something in i wished i’d said.
tequila makes me aggressive.
champagne makes me emotional.
love.
i can choose my friends but not my family.
so cherish my family and choose my friends wisely.
if in doubt, watch tv and wait for a sign.
boy cats are friendlier than girl cats.
its ok to put myself first.
my past makes me who i am.
the future gives me hope to be better than i am.
enjoy conversation.
laugh.
the best position to sleep is curled up, cuddling a firm pillow and resting my head on a soft one.
touch typing isn’t everything. its one of the things i don’t think i’ll ever get the hang of.
commuting is therapeutic.
technology is evil.
perfume doesn’t stick to me. i have no idea how some people smell like their perfume all day.
i’m not as bad ass as i am in my head.
people can suprise you in the most pleasant way if you give them a chance.
to not be naive with my heart.
but always love like its my first time.
just breathe.
keep old photographs and letters.
physically play solitare even if i have the solitare window open on my computer.
same goes for all games.
never leave without saying goodbye.
always tell someone you love them if you do, you never know when it’ll be the last time you have the chance to.
smile.
love.

@^%$#@&^%$*(#^*@()^&@^^@%#&%!!!!!!!!

and i wonder…

stuck in my head right now:

did you ever feel like you wanna be someone else for just one day?
did you ever feel like you wanna see through another pair of eyes?
did you ever think i might wanna be with anyone else for just one day?
did you ever really think of me when i walked away?

you look, but don’t sound apologetic
you smoke your subjects at my eyes
you think you know what you think you’ll find
you think you’ll figure me out tonight
but you’ll never know what i won’t share
cos i don’t care, nuh, i don’t care
you think you’ll figure me out tonight but i don’t care

and i wonder if i’m just built this way
cos every man that i know makes me feel like i’m to blame
when its over, me and my selfish ways
go back to start again

the heat is on

sitting at the dining table across from my parents now and feeling a certain type of dread that only follows lengthy discussions about my university education. Flights to book, places to stay, “why don’t you go to summer school to finish faster”, “when you come back for vacation go and produce freelance”

why do they keep rushing me to grow up? i’m just a teenager.

i really can’t think of uni right now. i’m back-to-back with shoot. intern driving me up the wall then quitting, uni uni uni. the heat is on.

please let me get through this.

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i love it

omg. this is one of the best mtvs i’ve seen in a while…. and i’ve totally got a crush on adrian brody.

she’s my girl

was walking to work the other day and saw this old, silver haired ang moh couple talking to 3 locals. just as i passed by, the guy puts his arm around his wife and annouces proudly “she’s my girl!” it was the sweetest thing.

meanwhile, i was all giggly on shoot yesterday cos of all the ferrari red around me. it was the coolest thing. omg i can’t WAIT for the race!!!! saw the force india team too. given, their toys weren’t nearly as cool as the toys the ferrari team had.. but they are supporting dear sutil. AHHH!!! i totally have f1 fever!!!!!! WOOT!!!!!! 28th!!! 28th!!! OI!! OI!!!

been so busy these days. this shoot is taking up almost all my time and my one saturday off, i helped out at michael’s shoot. sometimes he reminds me of a puppy when he’s working… ??

so glad to work with heikal again tho. DID YOU HEAR ME??!!! I MISS WORKING WITH YOU. yes yes i know you DON’T feel the same way but i want you to know that on some levels, i will never forgive you for leaving me.

heh heh. juuust kidding

…or am i?

meanwhile, i have a 2 day breather from shoot before i start again. but in all honestly, i feels damn good to be on shoot again. nicole and i have decided that the end of this mad and chaotic shoot calls for a big night out. next friday next friday. till then, i shall look forward to the FIRST EVER NIGHT RACE THAT I HOPE TO GOD LEWIS HAMILTON DOESN’T WIN (go massa! go massa!)

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

kristy had a meeting

scratch the meeting the drivers bit.

dammit.

i’m sore.

just because we haven’t hit the ground, doesn’t mean we’re not still falling

i am at work.

i have an intern.

i wonder if i was like that when i was an intern.

i have a new collegue.

i’m glad we get along.

i’m working on F1.

i have pretty much an all access pass.

i’m meeting massa, kimi and sutil.

i’m so thrilled.